A letter to the past.

I hated you because you made me. You know what you did, how you lied and now you’ve lost.

ThomasCRAY.jpg

I hated you for founding sense in your insanity. Talking to me like I was crazy for your friends to find you cool while your son was dying. I still do not understand how a father can have this much amount of hate for a child, your child.

The only time Daniel has had in your life were the ones you called him names and those you invited your friends to get along with you to play those games.

Every single one of you bullied a child. Non-stop for three years from his birth if not earlier. Thomas, he was just a child…your own child. Daniel is no longer here and he died knowing he was hated from “the other side”…your side. What you did and what you said. The choices you made when i tried so hard to make a change. I never asked for your money and never had this baby to have you in my life. Besides, if Daniel never had health problems I wouldn’t contact you get to you because I didn’t need to.

I wont forget this journey because it took the best of me. My son Daniel Strong Scannell died but I can and will forgive because my son told me to and I have now matured about it and realize that my life has been good enough to be myself and I never had to sacrifice a child to be accepted by anybody. What you have to live with is worse than the worse I ever could have done to you. It is now between you, god and the ghosts you live and sleep with.

I have been to mental homes. Three to be exact. I got medicated. I have another child who might suffer from my change of behaviour since those days but today…right at this moment…I know my heart is at the right place even if i still struggle at times and get to bad frames of mind. I may reach my grieving mode being some serious suicidal modes but I thanks to my son Daniel for giving me peace after the pain β™₯ and giving me love and strength.

Strangely, I feel sorry for the way you may be feeling. I feel like you’re dying in silence right now regarding this matter for these simple reasons:

*You have crossed the line so far that your proud-self is at the point of no-return. You know what you did was wrong never expected it to end this way. Was looking for a way out, Daniel grow up and then talk to him about you never was there because of me. Tell him that you didn’t like me so couldn’t be with him then try to get close to him then? -Sorry, he died and you never got the change to tell him your lies. Sorry you’re to proud to make a move now too.

*I don’t see how you would be talking about this grieving matter to your friends neither because…how you gonna tell people, you invited to diss your own child, about how you are now crying your son which you went lie to them that he wasn’t your and what relationship you and i had too. It would make the whole of your scenario look stupid. So unless you have humbled up and got down to be being real – i don’t see you talk to “those friends” like that.

I messaged you a few days back because I felt sorry for your alcoholism. I thought maybe this Daniel situation got to you after all that maybe talking to me about it would save you from this. Ironically those who loved him ended up good and those who didn’t – well didn’t.

When i messaged you i was like “we are both parents of this child maybe to talk about this together should make it better for closure” but the only thing that is popping to my head while writing this blog entry is what you said on the phone when i told you Daniel died then what went down court then all those crazy messages you sent –> then what you told or let your friends say and it just tells me that I can not save you as you might just be a lost cause. I would love to wish you to find peace but i have a feeling you just wont.

They say time heals but it don’t erase the past and for us all. This past will always be what it was simply because my son Daniel Strong Scannell died in it and guess what: you, your family and friends can not bring me my baby back now y’all best live and deal with it and eventually die with it. Daniel is going to remain my everything until i die and o matter what you all have to say, I love him as for you Thomas A. Scannell i forgive you and set myself free.

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